My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Son: "Mom, do I look like God?"
Mom: "No, honey. Why?"
Son: "Because everywhere I go, people say, 'Oh God, he is back!'"
What do you call a person wearing ear plugs?
Anything you want. They can't hear you.
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash?
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
And that's when the fight started....