Why were the tomatoes in the fridge embarrassed?
They saw the salad dressing.
A very self-centered actor was hauled into a court as a witness. When asked to state his occupation he announced quit confidently, "I am the world's greatest actor."
"Why did you tell them that?" a friend inquired afterward.
"Had to," was the answer. "I was under oath."
Nero was talking to his financial advisers in a Roman amphitheater.
"Why aren't we making any money from this building?" he said.
An advisor replied, "Because the lions are eating up all the prophets."
Why do Nuclear physicists have trouble concentrating on one project?
They have too many ions in the fire.