Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age, how do you feel?"
John replies, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really! Like a newborn baby, you say?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I even drool on myself."
A deputy arrested a young man. The young man was verbally complaining to the officer about the injustice of him being arrested. He proclaimed his innocence over and over.
The verbal barrage went on for about fifteen minutes as the deputy drove the young man to jail. Finally the young man asked the officer in a loud voice, "So tell me then, what do you do when you catch a real criminal?"
The deputy shook his head sadly and responded, "I don't know. All I've ever caught are innocent people."