Latest Jokes

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her on the cheek.

The wife calmed down and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish!"

Did you hear what happened to the Indian as he drank glass after glass of tea in his tent?

He got soaked in his teepee!

What did the Cyclop say to a suspect?

"I got my eye on you!"

A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. “Officer — did you see my client escaping the scene?”

“No sir. Be that as it may, I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

“Officer — who provided this description?”

“The responding officer.”

“A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”

“Yes, sir. With my life.”

“With your life? Do you have a room where you change your clothes before your daily duties?”

“Yes, sir, we do.”

“And do you have a locker in the room?”

“Yes, sir, I do.”

“And do you have a lock on your locker?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, why do you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”

“You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”