A local priest was visiting a widow for Sunday dinner. Afterwards, she was doing the dishes and he was looking around and noticed a parrot in a cage.
The lady noticed and said, "Reach into the cage, father, and pull his left leg." Well, he did and the parrot recited the Our Father.
"Pull his right leg," she said. He did and the parrot recited the Hail Mary. Well, the priest thought this was amazing. Then he said out loud, "I wonder what would happen if I pulled both legs and the same time?"
The parrot said, "What do you think will happen, I'll fall flat on my butt!"
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."
I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.
I can't figure out what she's talking about?
A father and his 9 year old son were at the nearby bowling alley.
"Hey dad, why is that man wearing that weird looking hat while he's bowling?" his son blurted out.
"Oh that's normal son" he answered. "That hat is called a bowler."
A woman had been selling waterbeds for almost four years, and thought she had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, the woman replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"
After a short pause, the customer responded, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"