Pulling into my service station 45 minutes late one morning, I shouted to the customers, "I’ll turn the pumps on right away!"
What I didn’t know was that the night crew had left them on all night. By the time I got to the office, most of the cars had filled up and driven off. Only one customer stayed to pay.
My heart sank. Then the customer pulled a wad of cash from his pocket and handed it to me.
"We kept passing the money to the last guy," he said. "We figured you’d get here sooner or later."
Jim was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number. "What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she came in the house with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down.
Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. "Oh, Gladys," said her friend, "you've lost your engine!"
"Never mind, dear," said auntie. "I've got a spare one in the trunk."
A child psychologist had twin boys—one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games. In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.
That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.
“What’s wrong?” the father asked.
“I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken!” sobbed the pessimist.
Passing the optimist’s room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of droppings. “Why are you so happy?” he asked.
The optimist shouted, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”