Latest Jokes

A young gentleman in a jewelry store looking at engagement rings. The sales clerk walks over and asks, "May I give you a hand with something?"

He replied, "No thanks, I already have her hand... now I just need THE SOMETHING!"

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

"Gave me a longer cane."

"Who dropped a wad of money with an elastic band around it?"

"I did!"

"Well, here's your elastic band."

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years.

"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."