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$6.00 won 4 votes

I've started a new exercise program.

I do twenty sit-ups every morning.

That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that SNOOZE button just so many times...

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CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Jareth the Goblin King" |
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In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching."

Further down the line is a pile of cookies.

A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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posted by "HENNE" |
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PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

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CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
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GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they are sure you are not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a women whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

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CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |