It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up!"
Two cowboy friends, Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse one summer. They enjoyed riding and doing the things that cowboys do. When winter came, they did not want to pay to have their horses stabled. Instead, they decided to release them in a pasture and get them in the spring.
Wally noticed a problem, and asked Dallas, "How will we know which horse is which?"
Dallas answered, "I've been thinking, and I have the answer! We'll cut the mane off of my horse and cut the tail off of yours. That way, we'll know which horse belongs who."
That seemed like a great plan, and so the horses were released into the pasture. When spring came, Wally and Dallas came to get their horses, only to discover that the mane and tail had grown back during the winter.
"Dallas, since the mane and tail have grown back, how do we know which is yours and which is mine?" Wally asked.
Dallas responded, "Well, I guess you'll have to take the black one and I'll take the white one."
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.
En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window.
"Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."