Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!
A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily,
"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"
"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?"
"Then she gave it to the policeman," the boy said.
Yo mamma so dumb...
...that she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetic order
...she put paper on the television and called it pay-per-view
...she went to an orthodontist to get a Bluetooth
Guy tells his wife: For your birthday, how about a new car?
Wife: No.
Guy: How about a new boat?
Wife: No.
Guy: Well then, what do you want?
Wife: I want a divorce.
Guy: I wasn’t planning on spending that much money.