A friend of mine was having a bit of marital-tension in his household and was trying to figure out just what to do about it.
In the course of our conversation, I said to him, "You know, quite often God speaks to us through our wives."
My friend looked at me and said, "Oh yeah? Well I'm pretty sure God doesn't use that kind of language!"
Finally, our last mortgage payment. To make a ceremony of it, we went to the bank and paid in person.
The teller processed everything and handed me the closing papers.
Heading for the door, I suddenly remembered a rebate check I'd brought along to cash.
I went back to the same teller. "Sorry, we can't do that," she explained. "You don't have an account here anymore."
I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.”
So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts.