Latest Jokes

"Doctor, doctor, you have to help me out!"

"Certainly, not a problem. Which way did you come in?"

"Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to brake fluid!"

"That is nonsense," begins the doctor, "You can stop anytime."

Patron at a restaurant: "I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!"

Waiter: "Well that won't change anything, he won't eat it either."

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife had gone up in the attic to clean. Coming upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash she exclaimed, "Oh, that darned old fool. He should have had me put the money in the basement."