A Judge sentences the same repeat offender to prison for life this time, because of a white collar crime that he was found guilty of by a jury. The man is greeted by the same Corrections Officer that he first met twenty years ago.
Guard: "Well, look who's back again! You just can't stay out of trouble, now can you?"
Inmate: "You need to be more appreciative and thankful for my return."
Guard: "Really now! And why is that?"
Inmate: "Because without people like me in this world, you'd be out of a job!"
An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a "Thanks for riding Royal Airlines." But, in light of his bad landing, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, ma'am," replied the pilot, "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"