Latest Jokes

Two accountants go to their credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line-up the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?"

Number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."

"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me?"

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about half as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer came across as an intimidating showman.

After several questions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"

There was an awkward silence. All of a sudden you heard, "I do."

The lawyer looks around the courtroom, and then turns to the judge. "Your Honour, I wasn't asking you, I was asking the jurors."