Two old settlers out in the FAR WEST, confirmed bachelors, got to talking about cooking.
"I got one of them cookery books once, but I could do nothing with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?"
"You said it! Every one o'them recipes began the same way... 'Take out a clean dish'... that settled me."
Milkman (to new hand): "Did you put water in the milk this morning?"
New hand: "Yes sir."
Milkman: "Don't you know this is wicked?"
"But you told me to mix water with the milk?"
"Yes, but I told you to put the water in first and then pour the milk into it. Then, you see, we can tell the people we never put water in our milk."
A couple from the east decided to vacation out west and visited a dude ranch. During the stay the tenderfoot felt that he had observed the horse riders and would be able to ride one himself. He mounted the horse and a moment later painfully picked himself out of the dust in one corner of the corral.
"Man, oh man," he said. "She sure bucked something fierce!"
"Bucked," said a nearby cowpoke, "Rats, she just coughed."
Four golfers were approaching the clubhouse green when they saw two ladies approaching.
One golfer commented to another, "Here comes my wife with some old hag she's picked up somewhere."
"And here comes mine with another," retorted the other, icily.