A man flies into a new city on business. When he got to the hotel he realized he came down with laryngitis. He decided to call a doctor before he completely lost his voice.
He looks up a doctor’s phone number and calls him. A woman picks up the phone. The man, not being able to talk loud, whispers, “Is the doctor in?”
The woman whispers back, “He just left. It’s safe to come in now.”
Teacher: Little Johnny, did you finish your reading assignment?
Little Johnny: No, but I don't like to read.
Teacher: Have you ever heard of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or Bubba B. Snodgrass?
Little Johnny: Who is Bubba B. Snodgrass?
Teacher: He's a guy that didn't like to read.
Interviewer: "Congratulations on winning the lottery."
Farmer: "Thank you."
Interviewer: "Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?"
Farmer: "Nope. Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone."
Two men crash into each other at an intersection. The first man steps out of his wrecked car screaming, "You rotten driver, you wrecked my Mercedes! I'm a lawyer, and I'm going to sue you for everything you have!"
The other man responds, "You lawyers only care about money, you don't even realize you just lost an arm!"
The lawyer looks down where his arm should be and yells, "Where's my Rolex!"