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Favorite this joke Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror.
“Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk. “That dress says it all.”
“That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”
A sales rep for a publisher of accounting reference materials was talking to a customer about a guide to assist with preparing for an audit. The way she described their organization led him to believe they might have an internal audit department.
I asked, "Do you have an in-house auditor?"
"No," she answered. "We have an outhouse auditor."
A famous model is going on a vacation in Africa. She takes her little bag dog Foofie along with her because she never went anywhere without her. As the model goes off exploring, Foofie wanders away on her own and soon gets lost; the little dog becomes very scared, looking all around her for any familiar sights, upon which she suddenly sees a leopard ready to pounce!
Noticing a pile of bones nearby, Foofie strolls over and begins chewing on one of the bones. "Mmm, what a tasty leopard. I wonder if there's another one around." The leopard immediately turns pale and runs fearfully back into the jungle. A monkey, who had happened to see everything, climbs down from a branch and whispers in the leopard's ear; furious, the leopard begins storming back out with the monkey on his back.
Upon seeing the leopard returning, Foofie knows what must have happened and quickly begins looking all around. "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another leopard hours ago but he never came back."
Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can guess your age."
The man pauses and looks at them skeptically. "Guess my age? that's impossible."
"C'mon, we'll show you," the second lady says. "First, we'll need to look up your nose." Embarrassed by the notion but wondering if the ladies truly knew something, the old man walks over and lifts his head, enabling them to look right up his nose.
"Okay, now stick one finger up your nose, one finger in your ear, cross your eyes and sing Danny Boy in a loud voice." the third lady says. The man then does so; the ladies muse for a few moments, before saying, "You are 87 years old."
"Why, that's incredible," the man gasps. "That's absolutely right! Tell me, how were you able to tell?" He had silently wondered how all of these seemingly random methods had enabled the ladies to find out his age.
The ladies reply, "We were at your birthday party."
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