“My extra winter weight is finally gone.
"Now, I have spring rolls.”
A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, "I'm just cooking!"
A husband is about to leave on a business trip, "Honey, if my business requires me to stay longer in that town. I'll send you a card."
"Don't bother dear, I read it already... it's in the pocket of your coat."
Why is the Black Panther video game so easy?
Because you get nine lives.