How do you fire woodworkers?
Tell them they’re finished.
How do you fire watch repair people?
Tell them their time is up.
How do you fire teachers?
Tell them they’re dismissed.
How do you fire authors?
Tell them it’s The End.
How do you fire lumberjacks?
Give them the ax.
How do you fire garbage collectors?
Tell them they’re canned.
How do you fire gift-wrappers?
Tell them the job is all wrapped up.
Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of the dads gives them both a bit of advice. "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle."
At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads."
"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men.
"And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too!" adds the other.
A heart surgeon came to a mechanic to repair his car. The mechanic had a look at the car's engine, opened a valve and fixed it.
The mechanic said, "I repaired the engine which is the heart of the car. You also operate on the hearts of humans, so our jobs are quite similar. So why it you earn more than me?"
The doctor replied, "Can you repair the car when the ignition is on? We can!"