Teacher: "When I was of your age, I learned very quickly and was not as slow as you are."
Student: "Wow, you must have had a good teacher then, didn't you?"
Teacher: "You are the only one in the entire class who makes so many mistakes in the homework assignment."
Student: "That is not true, I am not the only one. My parents are involved in this as well!"
Waiter!" shouted the furious diner. "How dare you serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."
When I was young, a bully was trying to pick a fight with me.
He said, "My dad can whoop your dad!"
I replied, "So what, so can my mom!"