Nuts are so expensive now-a-days...
They cost you an ALM-OND a LEG!
Dorothy, The Tin Man, The Scarecrow, and The Cowardly Lion are all playing high stakes Texas Hold’em in Oz.
After a few hours, when it came to betting the antes, The Scarecrow turns to Dorothy and says, “Dorothy, we all put up our antes. Where’s your ante?”
Dorothy quickly replied, “I’ve already told you. My auntie’s in Kansas!”
You can't run through a campground...
You can only 'ran', because it's past tents.
Three mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday."
Minnie says, "You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie."
Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."