Latest Jokes

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. She said, "I know I had my cell phone with me, but now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo...

So I had to put my foot down.

An elderly man went to his friend's house to have a little chitchat. Then, he told his friend, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

His friend then asked, "So what's the name of the other leg?"

A 70 year old man asked his wife, "Do you feel sad when you see me running behind younger women?"

The wife replies, "No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars, doesn't mean they can drive them."