Latest Jokes

Patty, the bank teller, was having a bad day with nasty and rude customers. A nicely dressed young man came up to her window and with a smile showed her a note. "Please give me all your money... I thank you for your time and help!"

After emptying her drawer into a bag, she added a chocolate bar left from her lunch.

"What's that for?" he asked.

"That's because you were the most polite person I've had all day," she answered.

The government put out notices for contractors to bid for a small job they needed done. The first bid was for $750.00. The second bid was for $375.00. The third bid was for $2,375.00.

Stunned at the high price of the third bid the government agent called the contractor and asked how his bid could be so high.

"It's easy," the contractor said, "$1,000 is for me, $1,000 is for you for you, and then we hire the guy for $375 to do it."

What two words contain the most letters?

Post office.

“Teacher, I ain’t got no pencils,” says little Tom.

The teacher corrects him immediately saying, "The correct way to say it is, I don’t have any pencils, he doesn’t have any pencils, or they don’t have any pencils.' Do you understand?"

“But teacher..."

"Yes, Tommy?"

"What happened to all the pencils?”