Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "I'm almost 60 years old!"
The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," he said.
The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
The Sheriff's girl friend constantly asked the Sheriff to get married.
Girl: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't. I have to go catch the bank robbers.
Girl: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't. I have to go catch the rustlers.
Girl: Please, let's get married?
Sheriff: I can't I have to go catch those who held up the train.
Moral of the story: Some men would rather fight outlaws than in-laws!
“Do you know, why Andrews is so popular with the girls?”
“No, why?”
“When he sits down beside a pretty girl in a bar, he tells her, 'I’m not really so tall, I’m just sitting on my wallet.'"
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