Latest Jokes

Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"

John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."

"So what are you looking for?"

"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."

"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.

"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."

A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a very serious problem. I only hear half of everything.”

"That can’t be," answers the doctor. “Either you can hear everything or you hear nothing. Tell you what, Let us see. Repeat after me... Ninety Six.”

The man quickly replies, “Forty eight!”

Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."

She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"

If memory serves me right...

Well, it would be the first time.