Latest Jokes

$50.00 won 5 votes

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."

"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."

"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"

"The usual? You know what my usual is?"
"According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust."

"Okay, that’s what I want this time too."
"May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?"

"No, I hate vegetables."
"But your cholesterol is not good."

"How do you know?"
"Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years."

"You know what, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!"

"I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport... it expired 5 weeks ago."

5 votes

posted by "Kyoto" |
$7.00 won 2 votes

My little sister broke my lamp...

I won't be able to see her in the same light ever again.

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "danmug" |
1 votes

Needing to shed a few pounds, my wife and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. We followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful -- we never even felt hungry!

But soon we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it. Checking the recipes again, we found it. There in the not-so-fine, fine print, was the answer: "Serving Size: 6."

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
0 votes

Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"

John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."

"So what are you looking for?"

"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."

"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.

"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."

0 votes

posted by "wadejagz" |