Teacher: "John, what's the matter? Why are you looking so upset?"
John: "My dad is in police station and my mom is in hospital!"
Teacher: "Oh God! Please go home!"
The principal happened to see John leave. He asks the teacher, "Where's John heading to?"
Teacher: "I permitted him to go home because his dad is in police station and mom is in hospital."
Principal: "His dad is a cop and his mom is a nurse... where else they would be?"
Priest: Do you have any confessions?
Man: I did something Father, but I am not sure if it was a sin.
Priest: Did you enjoy it?
Man: Yes father
Priest: It was a sin.
A Police Officer was questioning a young man who's smart car got stuck between the concrete walls of a pedestrian stairway.
When the police officer had asked him what he was thinking at that moment, his response was, "I was instructed by my Uber App to take a sharp left."
Why did the farmer plough his field with a steam roller?
Because he wanted to grow mashed potatoes.