A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
“That's nothing,” the man snorted. “Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!”
A Florida officer pulled over an eighty-year-old school teacher because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you waved your hand up and down, then you turned left," said the officer.
"I decided not to turn right," she explained.
“Then why the up and down?" asked the officer.
"Officer," she sniffed, "I was erasing!"