A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean. He asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."
Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three males ministers siding against the female minister. The woman prayed, "Lord, I know I'm right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it."
A big storm cloud materialized and there was a clap of thunder. "See," said the woman. "It's a sign from above." The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.
"Dear Lord," the woman prayed, "I need a bigger sign." This time, a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree. "See! I told you I was right," the woman said. But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn't be explained by natural causes.
"Help me, Lord," the woman implored. And a deep voice came from the heavens: "SSSHHHEEE'S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!"
The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, "Well?"
"Okay, okay," they said. "Now it's three against two."
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"