A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
The teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
"Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
"A wedding ring."
I was walking through the store, and I kept hearing an annoying kid yelling, “Grandma!"
I was walking past her when he finally found her. He said to her, “Grandma, where were you? You can't just leave me. What if someone kidnapped me?!”
Grandma replied, “I'm sure they'd bring you back pretty soon.”
On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions - Use like regular soap.
On some Schwan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion - Defrost.
On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: The product will be hot after heating.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - Open the packet. Eat nuts.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase is necessary. Details inside.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.