An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"Ninety eight," she replied, "two years older than me."
"So you're 96?" the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"