1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
5. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
6. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.
7. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
As he stood at the bar for the first time with his son the proud father said, "Now is as good of time to talk about some of the facts of life. Remember. a man that drinks beyond his capacity is no gentleman. To enjoy life you must observe a happy medium. Have a drink occasionally, but never, never, never get drunk."
"Yes sir," replied his dutiful son, "but how am I to know when I am drunk?"
"Well, you see those two men over there in the corner?" said the father. "If you were to see four men, you'd know you were drunk."
"Dad, let me have the keys," grinned the son. "There's only one guy over there."
A man is on trial for stealing an overcoat. The judge went straight to the point. "Did you steal this man's overcoat?" he demanded.
"No sir," the defendant replied, with a grin. "I was just playing joke on him."
"And where did you take the coat?" asked the judge.
"I removed it from the coat rack in the restaurant and carried it home with me."
"Guilty," snapped the judge.
"Guilty! Guilty of what?" asked the defendant.
"Guilty of carrying a joke too far!"