Father: I finally won a battle in the never-ending war between parents and children.
Mother: That I’d like to see.
Father: Take a look.
Mother: Well, I’ll be darned! That’s our son out there, actually mowing the lawn! How in the world did you ever manage that?
Father: He wanted to borrow the car, and I told him I’d lost keys in the overgrown grass!
Granddaughter: Grandpa, I thought you were going to buy concert tickets for my birthday.
Grandpa: I asked if you'd mind if I bought the tickets and you said yes so I didn't buy the tickets.
Granddaughter: These days Grandpa, yes means yes.
Grandpa: I thought you would mind if I bought the tickets when you said yes.
Granddaughter: You're not going to go into that "Whose on first routine" again are you?
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."