Latest Jokes

A teenage boy had recently developed an interest in weight lifting. His father was skeptical, not knowing if his son would be responsible in this new venture, but accompanied him to the sports equipment store anyway. After perusing the shelves for a bit, the boy eventually found a set of weights he liked. "Dad, can we get these?"

The father looked the weight set over skeptically. "Hmm, I don't know."

"Please, Dad," the boy begged. "I promise I'll use them every day."

"You do realize this is a very big commitment, I assume."

"I know, Dad."

"They're also fairly expensive."

"I'll use them, Dad, I promise."

"Well....okay."

The father then pays for the equipment and they headed for the door.

"Awww," the son whined. "You mean I have to carry them to the car?"

An Englishman says to his friend, the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.

"I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 12 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.'”

The Scotsman is impressed, and says: "Let's try it together this evening.”

So the Scotsman books them into a restaurant and come 12 o'clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.

Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.

The Englishman just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."

And the Scotsman adds:
"And we are still waiting for the change!"

One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor's office.

Before taking this dog's leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?"

"Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She's had five litters! How much 'friendlier' than that can she get?"