Jill: I can stay underwater for ten minutes!
Jack: That’s impossible!
Jill: (takes a glass of water and holds it over her head for ten minutes.) See, I told you!
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.
“I am a turtle,” he says.
“Who’s on your back?”
Me: My sister graduated from college. I wish you could have been there. She wore a cap and nightgown.
Bob: A nightgown?
Me: Yeah. She went to night school.
A wife talks to her husband with a sweet voice, “You look great in that dim light. You look just like Brad Pitt.”
Lifting his eyebrows, the husband asks, “And how do you know Brad Pitt?”