Latest Jokes

A father texts his son: "My dear son, today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life. My best love and good wishes. Your Father."

His son texts back: "Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"

His Father replies: "I know."

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide replied, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

Whichever traffic lane you change to will always move slower than the one you left...

This also applies to the lines you stand in as well.

Jane laughs at a joke once when you tell it.

Fred laughs at a joke twice. Once when you tell it and once with you explain it to him.

Susie laughs at a joke three times. Once when you tell it, once when you explain it to her, and once when she understands it.

Mark laughs at a joke twice. Once when you tell it and once when you explain it to him. He never understands it.

Will laughs at a joke once when you tell it. There's no use trying to explain it to him.