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Favorite this joke Murphy told Quinn that his wife is driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
Two hikers are walking up a mountain trail when a huge grizzly bear leaps out in front of them and roars. The first hiker gulps and sweats, frozen in fear; the other keeps his presence of mind and calmly advises, "Don't worry, just lie down and play dead and the bear will leave you alone."
"H-h-h-how do you know?" the first hiker asks.
"I read it in a book on wilderness survival."
"B-b-but what if the bear read the same book?"
A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."
The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...BUMP BUMP BUMP!
He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.
With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything... all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin.
Suddenly, the coffin stopped.
Yesterday I saw my neighbor kicking in his own door...
Turns out he's a burglar who started working from home.
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