A tourist stopped at a country gas station. While his car was being serviced, he noticed an old-timer basking in the sun with a piece of rope in his hand. The tourist walked up to the old-timer and asked, “What do you have there?”
“That’s a weather gauge, sonny,” the old-timer replied.
“How can you possibly tell the weather with a piece of rope?”
“It’s simple,” said the old-timer. “When it swings back and forth, it’s windy, and when it gets wet, it’s raining.”
Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.
During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield:
"Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"
"Yes, once i came face to face with a lion, and to make matters worse, I was alone and weapon less."
"Goodness! What did you do?"
"What could I do? First I tried looking straight into his eyes, but he kept crawling up on me. Then I thought of plunging my arm down his throat, grabbing him by the tail and turning him inside out, but I decided it would be too dangerous. Yet he continued creeping up on me. I had to think fast...."
"How did you get away?"
"I just left him and passed on to the next cage."
One doctor ask another if, "Are you any good at palmistry?"
"Well, not exactly. However, the other night I did look at a lady's hand, and one glance told me she was going to be lucky," he replied.
"Why how's that?" the first doctor ask.
The reply: "Well it had four aces in it."