Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
I just started a support group where no one sees or hears each other.
I don't know how many members there are because I don't hear or see any of them.
When you're falling behind, ketchup and mustard the whole situation, so that you may relish it later on.
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.