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$50.00 won 12 votes

So, I'm at a store buying a bag of dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. I told her that I was starting the Dog Food Diet again and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with food Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(At that point practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, the lady behind asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

12 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Laugh and Enjoy Life" |
0 votes
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What is the soft mushy stuff between a shark's teeth?

Slow swimmers.

0 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
0 votes

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following sequence of events takes place:

1. The woman goes to the market to buy the food.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

0 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$8.00 won 1 votes
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What are the two reasons why babies wear diapers?

Number 1 and Number 2!

1 votes

CATEGORY Baby Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "iqannnylirod" |