Latest Jokes

$10.00 won 5 votes

I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle inspection was required to register my car.

I was nervous. My car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix.

I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn.

Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the $3 fee.

I was shocked.

"Is that all you have to do"? I asked.

He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you"?

5 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "HENNE" |
3 votes

A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

3 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$8.00 won 2 votes

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"

2 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "CPipe" |
0 votes
 

Ms. Frayed-end and Mr. Knot were having an argument about their relationship.
Ms. Frayed-end: "Why don't you ever call me anymore?"

Mr. Knot: "That goes both ways. You never call me either!"

Ms. Frayed-end: "We're not supposed to do the calling. You are!"

Mr. Knot: "Sez who? This is ridiculous. You get me so mad I'm fit to be tied!"
Ms. Frayed-end: "Oh yeah? Well I'm at the end of my rope!"

0 votes

posted by "Alan Valentine" |