One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news....
Good news: He had a parachute.
Bad News: It didnt work.
Good News: There was a haystack down below.
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitchfork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack.
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.
To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know, why don't you play your age?"
He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 36, and when 47 came up she just fainted!"