A woman walks into a store that sells expensive rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman.
"Hello M'am. How may I help you today?"
Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Well, you broke wind just touching it. I'm anxious to see what happens when you hear the price."
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!" He then approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave now as well," said the priest.
Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole replied: "No, I don't Father." The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die. Yes Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."