A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said, "You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face."
"Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a poem, they give him $100."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a song, they give him $200."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"