I asked my psychiatrist why is it every time I eat sardines, I dream about being attacked by sharks. He answered, “It’s all about guilt and self payback.”
Considering how much money it cost for one hour of his time, he must dream about his watch turning all green and wrinkled.
The conductor of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra was having an issue with the percussion section. During rehearsals, it seems they were having a major problem keeping the proper beat, and the conductor was getting madder by the moment.
"Uh oh," one of the drummers remarked. "I think he's ready to blow."
"You're right," said the cymbal player. "It looks like we're in for a real tempo tantrum!"
Amos was sitting on the steps of the town store when a red convertible with Massachusetts plates rolled up and the driver says, "Hey, Bub which way to East Vassalboro?"
Amos says, "How did you know my name was Bub?"
"Just a lucky guess, I guess." replied the driver.
"Well, says Amos, see if you can get lucky again and guess the way to East Vassalboro."
His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player. The coach called him over and asked him, "If I put you in, can you play ruthless?"
"I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?"