Two women were drinking coffee and talking.
One asked, "So why are you filing for divorce?"
The second one replied, "He treats me like a dog."
The first one asked, "Oh? Does he beat you or something?"
The other said, "Worse. He expects me to be loyal to him!"
Enticed by a television promotion, my wife ordered a popular exercise machine on a 30-day trial offer.
Two weeks later she decided not to buy it, and called UPS to arrange for pickup.
The next day the UPS driver arrived at our house. "Oh, no, not another one of these," he said. "All I've been doing is delivering these machines, then picking them up. The only person getting exercise from these things is me!"