When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive.
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Superman once wrote on the wall: "Batman is a wimp!"
The next day Batman wrote: "Superman is Clark Kent."
I remember the time when I was reminiscing my love life while cutting up an onion...
The onion cried.
My wife was shopping and sent me a picture of her in a dress she was thinking of buying and asked me, “Does this dress make me look big?”
I answered back, "Noooo..."
Autocorrect changed my answer, to “Moooo...”
Please send help!