I remember the time when I was reminiscing my love life while cutting up an onion...
The onion cried.
My wife was shopping and sent me a picture of her in a dress she was thinking of buying and asked me, “Does this dress make me look big?”
I answered back, "Noooo..."
Autocorrect changed my answer, to “Moooo...”
Please send help!
My wife asked me what my favorite time to have sex was?
Apparently "when you're at work" was the wrong answer.
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"