If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…
Oh wait, he does.
I think the scariest part of the song “Born to be Wild”...
Is when they find a head out on the highway.
Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone...
So I threw it in the pool.
Woman customer, pointing to a roast: "Excuse me, sir, but is this meat tender?"
Butcher: "As tender as my heart."
Woman customer: "In that case, I'll take a pound of sausages instead."