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Favorite this joke A lady came to an IT shop and asked the shop assistant, “Do you have Bark-code equipment?”
The shop assistant was confused and answered, “Madam, you probably mean a Bar-code reader, don't you?”
The lady said, “No, I want to understand why my dog is barking at me!”
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”
The official glossary to running late...
"On the way..." - Still in bed.
"In the car..." - In the shower.
"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.
"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.
"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.
"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.
"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.
An elderly couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my the woman said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously.
"Yep," stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special," she replied.
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," she exclaimed.
She took the two eggs home.
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