Woman customer, pointing to a roast: "Excuse me, sir, but is this meat tender?"
Butcher: "As tender as my heart."
Woman customer: "In that case, I'll take a pound of sausages instead."
Policeman: "Excuse me, sir, did you see a man in a long, black coat, carrying a briefcase pass by here a moment ago?"
Dopey Dan: "No."
Policeman, skeptical: "Did he tell you to say that?"
Dopey Dan: "Yes."
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
After smattering a bazillion flying insects on his Jeep windshield, Harvey came to a stoplight. That very moment another sacrificial bug arrives —
“Mr. Harvey, I beg of you... spare my life and I’ll wash your windshield every day for a year!”
"Nah, I don’t think so," states Harvey.
“Why the heck not?” responds the bug.
‘Well, it’s my wife’s car, and she could use the exercise.”