Little Johnny's aunt was visiting and going on and on about her husband. "When he went overseas during the last war he carried my picture through every battle."
Little Johnny interrupted her with a question, "Did he use it to scare the enemy off?"
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
''What's so funny?'' the bartender asked.
''That stupid Dave!'' the fellow chortled. ''He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!''
For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.
"It's my passport picture," she revealed.
"Really?" I stared in complete amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"
"Walgreens," she replied.